Point blank period: this shit is hard.
I started this blog looking for a fun hobby; something I’ve always wanted to do but was always afraid to try doing. Do I regret starting this blog over a year ago? Not one bit. But, I do regret not being better at it. I have these dreams where I gain a large following, hoping someone out there likes the stuff I have to say. I feel like there are a lot of kinks that I have to work out, some of which will come in time, but I don’t always find ways to work them out efficiently.
Right now, my following is not large, but I do have people who consistently keep up with me. Yes, most of them are family, but they care the most! Plus, we’ve all got to start somewhere, right? By no means did I expect to start up this website and have millions of followers overnight – that’s not the way life works, and I wholeheartedly understand that. However, at this point, over a year later, I did expect things to be different. Mostly, things revolving around myself. I will reiterate the above point: this shit is hard and more times than not, I find myself not as up to the challenge as I’d really like to be. My planning, most of the time, sucks. It sucks really bad actually. I always find myself saying, “there’s always next week” and then next week comes and I still suck at planning and getting everything in order. My content, I know, is lacking and I am solely to blame. Are most of my blog posts spur of the moment jumbles of words that I try to put together in time? Yes. Actually, not yes. Hell yes is more appropriate here. I thought for sure that once I was done with school and no longer had papers to write and projects to complete, I would have more time and motivation to crank out top-notch content. Yet, here I am, done with a Masters degree, still struggling to make this blog everything I wanted and more. I have faith in myself that I will get better, I just haven’t really figured out how I want to get there. Yet.
When it comes to my site, I find myself competing with my own mind. I have not much training or experience when it comes to using technology, so honestly, the fact that I have my own domain and figured out how to get this site hosted, the theme changed, and it be up and running with no fail is a success in itself. But, my lack of understanding technology is seen in its’ full glory when it comes to my pictures. I have never in my life used Photoshop. And when I say never, I actually mean never. I don’t even know how to download it or buy it or what any button even does. The height of my photo editing and taking comes from using a halfway decent camera or simply my iPhone, edits courtesy of VSCO or the edit app that comes programmed into my computer. When I look at other blogs that I follow religiously, I notice how their pictures are flawless. The brightness, the photo themes, the clarity, the setup and staging of images – everything. I get almost jealous when I see others’ pictures thriving next to my sub-par photo taking – mostly because this shit is hard. I admire the creativity of others’ and I admire the planning and overall content that comes along with them seemingly having their shit together. This, though, shouldn’t be an excuse. This should be motivation to get better and I need to take the time to sit and learn and make these doubts and stresses go away.
My hopes of this post are not to scare anyone who is on the fence about starting this blog. I don’t want anyone to think that this is a regret that I have because it is not; it’s actually quite the opposite. I love this blog because it pushes me to hone into my creativity. It pushes me to stay motivated and on top of keeping this site up and running. It pushes me to get out of my comfort zone and talk about things that I might not necessarily talk about in person. It pushes me to get out of the house and do things that I can end up writing about in the future. With that being said, my hope is that this post will make those of you that are on the fence about blogging or are a new blogger feel connected in the sense that this can all be overwhelming at times. My hope is that I can be the person that you can relate to, the person that you know gets it.
My hope is also that by writing this side of blogging that you don’t always see, it will motivate me to change. It will motivate me to get better – to produce better content, to take better pictures, to plan ahead, to get organized, and to make this site everything I ever wanted and more. We aren’t there yet, but I promise we will get there soon.