With about one semester left of grad school, it’s starting to smack me in the face that one day I’m gonna have to “grow up.”Actually, not just one day. It’s one day soon. Part of this sad reality came from asking for business attire, a blender, and money to put towards college tuition for Christmas and birthday gifts. How wild is that?
My boyfriend and I even bought a cute little dry erase calendar for the apartment to try to organize everything as best we can. Although the calendar looks full, it’s really only appointments, schedules, birthdays, and little events that are on there.
The more and more I try to plan out and organize each new month, the more I see that even though I think I am so busy or stressed now, chances are, I have no idea what is coming for me. I mean honestly, I only have to take care of myself – get myself to class, get myself to work, buy food for myself, make sure my homework is done. I don’t have a home to take care of, kids, anything like that.
The older I get, the more I am realizing that not everything can be planned out. My boyfriend is often a good reminder of that, as he always tells me that there are certain things in life that will happen unexpectedly. That there are things that will be thrown at you that you can’t prepare for. The more I realize this, the more I realize how much admiration I have for my parents and my grandparents for doing everything they do without losing their minds.
There are so many of my friends that seem to have everything figured out. They are either engaged or married, have kids, have a house, a stable job, and have what seems to be an established life. Sometimes seeing all these posts on social media can knock me down a bit, because here I am at age 24, still in school, still waiting for a big-girl job that is not being a retail manager, still waiting for “life to begin.” While I know that 24 is still so young, it can still be hard feeling like there’s so much more you feel like you could have done in these few short years – things that are different than what you actually did.
While things can get overwhelming, I have to realize how lucky I actually am. I have a family who loves me. Friends who are always there for me. A boyfriend who supports me. A chubby little guinea pig. A roof over my head. [A little] money in the bank. An opportunity to further my education. I have food on my plate and a warm bed to crawl into every night. And that’s pretty damn awesome.
Hopefully one day soon, I’ll figure out this whole grown-up thing. I won’t want to nap to get away from the world. I’ll choose a pencil skirt and heels over distressed denim and converse. I won’t want to have ice cream for dinner. And once I do, I hope I’ll be able to look back and wonder why the heck I was ever stressing out in the first place.