Selfish? Not one bit.

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There is absolutely nothing that prepares you for the loss of a loved one to suicide. When I say nothing, I literally mean nothing. When someone passes away from old age, we tend to be “prepared.” This, not so much.

For me, this has been a very, very sensitive subject to talk about, yet one that I cannot get my mind off of. It has been over two months since losing a friend to suicide, and there literally has not been one day or night in these 2+ months in which my mind has not been reeling over this. It is not something I ever thought I would associate with, but yet, here we are.

Our healthy mental state is something that most of us take for granted, myself included. Suicide is not something that simply happens. Why is it when someone succumbs to suicide, we don’t acknowledge the disease – the demons, the mindset, the brokenness that contributed to this? It is something that happens as a result of someone being so lost that they think ending their life is the only logical option left. It is something that happens when someone loses a long, endless, internal battle. It is something that happens when the light at the end of the tunnel seems like the only option – the option to be free, the option to be out of the dark, the option to be at peace.

If there is one thing that is so wrong, it is that we, as a society, continue to call something selfish that people have absolutely no control over. Suicide is not selfish. What is selfish is telling people that are struggling to get over it. To feel better. To just be happy. By doing this, you are being selfish. You are not thinking about how difficult “just getting over it” may be for them.

In regards to my own personal experience, this has been haunting. Personally, I cannot go to certain places in my hometown without feeling sick to my stomach over what occurred. I understand that this is still new. I also understand that this is something I will never get over, it will eventually become something I have to learn to live with. I am learning day by day how to cope with the situation at hand. For those of you like me who have gone through this, I am sure you can relate when I say that finding support from loved ones and friends really gets you through some of the tough times.

All in all, how anyone could be angry at someone for not being able to defeat a psychological and emotional monster is beyond me. It is our job to continue their legacy and their memory. Dwell on the good, not the bad.

As hard as it may be, we need to start talking about suicide. It is not easy to talk about. It is not easy to grieve. But it is something we need to do. The conversation starts now. Let’s talk. xoxo.

If you or someone you know needs help, please reach out and contact the suicide prevention hotline at 1-800-273-8255. If you or someone you know is in danger or need immediate medical attention, please call 911 to get help. 

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